Hey Y'all

As I write this, in about eight hours I will turn 56 years old. I am surprised by this. There was a time when I was much younger that it didn’t seem at all surprising to me that I would one day be 56. I was born around 5:30 in the morning, which is why I hate, loathe and otherwise detest early mornings. How rude. But there has been a lot of water under the bridge...and a fair amount over the top of it...since those ancient times. Even when I was a teenager, the year 2000 seemed impossibly far away. It was The Future. Now, 14 years into the mess I have come to think that The Future does not actually exist...and never can or will. It is always now.

A little more than 20 years ago I started, almost unconsciously, mentally marking mile posts in life. The only two actual friends I had from childhood have long since ceased. They were both slightly younger than I, one related to me by blood, one not. There were times when we were together that we would muse to each other about being old men, maybe 70, sitting on a porch in rocking chairs somewhere. Sam, the one not related to me, died when he and I were 33. That was the first time this “milestone” thing came into my head. He died of Kaposi’s Sarcoma related to AIDS. Last I heard his ashes were on a mountain in Denver. His dad would not go to his funeral because Sam was gay. I couldn’t because I had no money.

Jimmy, who was both my nephew and my cousin, died when he was 42. I don’t know an exact cause, but his doctor had told him that his body was in worse shape than an average man of 70. Apparently, mostly due to the ravages of extreme alcohol and drug use. I do know he could chugalug a whole pint of whiskey and he drank aftershave once because he couldn’t get any other alcohol at the time. As teenagers he had been beside me as pall bearers at my dad’s funeral. I didn’t get to go to Jimmy’s funeral either. I learned of his death while sitting in a truck stop parking lot in Tennessee. I had to tell my dispatcher I had to wait a few hours before I could drive again. I was already 43 by then, and so....the three of us would never be 70 and sitting on a porch somewhere.

This next milestone, tomorrow, I measure by the fact that I will have made it (see? I can be optimistic) to the age my wife Philis was when she died. She went “due to complications of diabetes” in 2008. It was a whole week, and well after her funeral, before anyone thought to inform me of her death. These “milestones” are not about just people I knew or know...people who were very close to me in life, a huge part of my life. The next such milestone for me is a fer piece...20 years more. My dad was 76 when he died. He was born in 1900. I might well make that one, though given my heart disease, COPD, diabetes, sleep apnea, depression, etc., I am not so optimistic about it. Should I make that one, the only other one I have is my maw...she made it to 87 years old. Another 31 years? Wow...that would be the year 2045.

I’ve had the front porch for several years now. Not mine of course, just rented. For several months I’ve had the rocking chair...not one of the regular kind, an old recliner...but it rocks. It seems emptier than I thought it would in some ways, though the advent of the Spazz and the Farce, as we sometimes refer to them, allowed me to have a great many more friends than I ever would have otherwise. To all of you who have been and are my friends...thank you. I hope we make it to a time when 3-D holographic presence is as common as Facebook and Youtube now.

TRB